I run, so you dont have to
I am nervous the week leading into this race. Having run the Snowdonia Trail Marathon on the Sunday, smashing my body and mind against the cold rocks of Snowdon, I now have 6 days to get ready for the International Snowdon Race, 10 miles up and down Snowdon as quick as you can. I have the added pressure and privilege of being selected to represent Wales, and also Snowdon Race being chosen as part of the World Cup Series this year.
With a week until London Marathon, I still have a very tight calf (I pulled it in Brighton Marathon a week earlier). It is tight enough to feel when I am walking. Quite regularly, for no particular reason, my stomach tightens, and I get scared. A hundred thoughts rush through my mind in a second…
I get to bed around 11pm, wake up at 6am on Sunday morning to snow and gales. Driving through it for 2 hours to get to the Trafford 10k, I give myself every excuse in the world to turn back. But it is either this race, or 25 miles on the treadmill. And this seems marginally less terrible…
I have struggled my whole adult life with what it means to be a man. I get so confused about my role. I want to be strong and protective over my wife and family, but I would never consider myself a chauvinist. I cannot hunt and fight the way men did for a hundred thousand years, yet I still get testosterone fueled urges to do similar stuff. I have stupid notions about how crying, or expressing emotion, is ‘unmanly’ and frowned upon. Yet I want to be caring and empathetic and emotionally engaged with my family and friends.
